Self Help, Thoughts

Will I be missed ?

Walking away from people you love is not the best thing in the world  . But just sometimes you have to put yourself ahead of everything else and the move the hell on .

When you love someone , you care and you only have a certain amount of care , so when you care about someone else  , you start to care a little less about yourself and you start dripping off your “care ” package . But people leave , dead or alive , they leave and then you are left there with an empty bottle of  ” care ”  ,filling it with pathetic .  And this is my worst nightmare ever , being walked on .

I will rather walk away myself than feeling miserable because then I ‘ll know what I did it for,  but when people leave , there never is an explanation to that . I never tell anyone ” Hey you , I love you and I am afraid , I might loose you because someday you ‘ll realise how ugly and pathetic I am “. No , I don’t say that and I don’t think anyone does . And even if someone ever told me this I will never believe it because , I am a pathetic loser and I will always wonder what I did wrong . And I don’t want to  . 

Also when I leave , I know it will be less of an  issue to them than it will be to me when they leave . I need to watch the casualities , Don’t I ? I wonder if it ever is an issue because I somehow know how to trick people into thinking that they were the ones to walk on me . People are so damn gullible . And shit ! I wish I didn’t always have to be the bad person , when I am not . I wish someone saw deep into me .

And most of the times when I try to walk away , it is like I was holding onto a helium balloon and you know it sucks to find out that people don’t give a shit about you . It sucks when you are down for them , for like years and they are just about cheese , when you believe in walking volcanoes with . When you  pull off for a second and they just run away from you . And it sucks that it is not just one person , but everyone I know . And now I think maybe I will leave them the hell alone but I know  even on their slightest call , I will be head over heels , even when I hate to be . I am still trying to loosen the grip , my grip , because I love my helium balloons .

Our lives are like houses , it can contain certain amount of people .You can’t be everybody’s and you can’t have everybody . So, I don’t want to stay in these houses and block the way of people who can make them into home , also I don’t want to keep people who don’t feel like home with me .With people now , I feel like they are stuck with me and want help to get out of my life , I ‘ll open the door .

It is one of the toughest time for me , I wish someone could tell me , if just evacuating my house all at once is a good idea ? 

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13 thoughts on “Will I be missed ?”

  1. Fantastic and relatable. I am, what I call, a trigger man. Sight, sounds, smells, places all trigger a deep emotion. When going through heartache you want nothing more than to run as far as possible from these triggers. I’ve learned that the best therapy is to give them space, then to revisit them later. Allow them to loose their power. Follow your heart and keep putting the words on the page!

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  2. These are deep thoughts. Love begins with self love. The word CARE begins with self. If we want others to love us, first we love. We don’t beat ourselves up with fear of loss. We defeat ourselves that way. Our thoughts manifest our lives. Our lives do not manifest us. Change the thoughts, change the life. Said in love….

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    1. This is so true and I am so trying to love myself . It is difficult . You know , hate comes along easy , it is so easy to keep . Love takes time , effort and patience and I am afraid . I have low self esteem and anxiety but I’ll try and I’ll succeed 🙂

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      1. Yes, you will! Remember we make our story or someone is making our story and we are agreeing with it. You don’t have to agree to others’ views of how you are or how you should be. You are in charge if your World and it will be as you see it. Live your truth. Right now it is screaming to be freed. Start a gratitude journal. Tell yourself everyday what you love. That may help. I also sometimes do mala meditations of forgiveness. I hold a mala beads and for each bead, I pray for forgiveness for something or someone for all lifetimes. I forgive those who belittled me in all my lifetimes. I forgive myself for…. in all my lifetimes. Etc, so for each bead, that makes 108 statements. You can do this for gratitude, too. Make each one for all your lifetimes.

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      2. I really don’t believe in spiritual stuff and praying but I will try the mala meditation , I hope it helps , sounds like It will .

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      3. I think of spiritual truth to be unlike religious doctrine. All of my poetry stems from spirit. There are many ways to find joy, such as exercise, art, service to others, but all of those things boost the spirit. Any mindfulness practice helps with lifting the moods. I found poetry to help me focus on my emotional issues, too. So I don’t attach to religion as much as the path of spirit, which is my core regardless of a church. Sorry I go on. 🙂

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      4. Oh no .. you don’t have to say sorry. Your words really mean a lot to me . Poetry helps me a lot too . I’ll choose the path of spirit 😊

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