You know what I find to be a total bullshit ?
That depressed people cannot help themselves out of the dump on their own . That you cannot have control over what you feel like .Don’t already judge me !
I have been there , feeling worse than I ever thought I will . I knew , I would just give up , die and I didn’t really want to get better. So one fine day things just started going out of my hand , that day I stayed up planning how I am going to end my life , I had my suicide letter planned , there was no way in hell that I was going to live .
That day , on my way to my classes I saw something , a 6 year old or so boy carrying a disabled and much heavier boy upon his back , clothes torn and they were both laughing . And I had guilt flush my stupidity . If a 6 year old can get his shit together , I can atleast try ? So , I just told myself ” You are not sad , you are not depressed , you are you , and you have much more left in yourself than you think you do . Tomorrow you’ll wake up and you’ll be happy ” .
So did I wake up happy the next day ? No . But I tried . When someone pissed me off , I stopped hating on them , I just wishpered to myself ” They are just different than you are ” . When things started to not be the way I wanted them to be , I just reminded myself , nothing goes in vain and that I ‘ll be able to connect the dots in future and I’ll know why what is happening , happened . Self talks are the best therapy . I read a lot of quotes that said ” Do not tell a depressed person to get over it ” and “Don’t be sad ” . Okay I get it , If someone tells me ” GET OVER IT ” , It’ll piss me off . But you owe yourself that . For one last time , put yourself ahead of you . Yes . You are your body and yourself is everything inside that skin , your heart , your lungs , your gut , They did everything they could for you, ever since you were born . Your lungs still work somehow even after all the times you lost your breath crying over that boy or girl or a failed test . Your heart still pumps blood , not for you to self harm . No don’t do it for your parents this time , don’t do it in hopes of better future , do it for yourself .
You know your struggles , you know yourself and you need to reminded that your brain is your slave and not the other way around. Just before sleeping today , tell yourself , you’ll wake up happy and do it for as many days you can , and one day you’ll forget to tell yourself because, you ‘ll know that you are happy.