Thoughts

You are not charity .

Forgive people they said , I did . Move on they said , I did .  Is it why I am so empty ? 
Sometimes people break your heart , not because they are evil but they do not give as much as they take  , sucking on to your inner self they breed over your life like fungus . You’ll think , ” Oh , that’s green , How lucky am I ?”  but sooner or later you realise its fungus, you’ll curse yourself for letting it grow , for not being sensible enough , you’ll curse the fungus for being a traitor . Okay now wait ! The fungus was always the fungus , It had done everything it could to let itself grow and you let it , so  before you forgive the fungus ,forgive yourself .

Let me untangle for you what fungus is as a human . They are the people you have fun with but as soon as you’re in trouble or need someone to listen to you , they back off , They will always do the minimal though , call you once in a week , text you and tell you constantly they care . They care , about all you have to give and all they can take. 

We are all fungus to someone else , to our parents  , to our teachers and this is okay but some of us disguise ourselves as ”  green “, as givers and take away everything . And I think that is what hurts , people taking away , when you thought they were giving in too . But they are always those stubborn people who never pay you back and you ? You love them so fucking much , that you start telling yourself that it was their,what they took . That you deserved this heartache , that you deserved this broken heart and that this will leave you stronger than you were.  But you didn’t deserve heartache and not everything makes you stronger . It just makes you less reckless , more insecure and leaves you with trust issues.  You call that strong ? 

So next when someone refuses to pay you back and tries to run away with a piece of your heart , you , yes you have every fucking right to slap them accross their face and take what is yours . You my dear , don’t deserve pain and they don’t deserve you . And you don’t have to give away yourself to make someone happy , I promise you they’ll find someone else and then they will give and take just as they should . You don’t have to be a charity .

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