Even stars line together at night ,
Into shapes , making sense .
So I stay awake all night ,
Hoping the same for my thoughts .
I close my eyes
and dive into the sea of words not spoken .
It just gets scarier each day ,
because my nightmares always turn into reality !
Escaping my thoughts is like being in a pool ,
and not hoping to feel water .
Pain is okay ,
Nothing is not .
And I feel nothing at all !
Just an empty void in my chest …
And sometimes I want to
Take my heart and throw it away ,
Because it hurts so much somedays
I don’t know why I think it would make me feel okay ?!
I want to die ,
But I still fear height and falling ,
So I guess I don’t want to die just yet .
But then breathing exhausts me .
Caring hurts me .
And hatred breaks my heart !
So I just collapse in the dark ,
With tears up my throat
Too weak to be strong .
Too strong to cry ,
And too afraid of height to fly !