Thoughts

Maze of thoughts 

Even stars line together at night ,

Into shapes , making sense .

So I stay awake all night ,

Hoping the same for my thoughts .

 I close my eyes 

and dive into the sea of words not spoken .

It just gets scarier each day  ,

because my nightmares always turn into reality !

Escaping my thoughts is like being in a pool ,

and not hoping to feel water .

Pain is okay ,

Nothing is not .

And I feel nothing at all !

Just an empty void in my chest …

And sometimes I want to 

Take my heart and throw it away ,

Because it hurts so  much somedays 

I don’t know why I think it would make me feel okay ?!

I want to die ,

But I still fear height and falling ,

So I guess I don’t want to die just yet .

But then breathing exhausts me .

Caring hurts me .

And hatred breaks my heart !

So I just collapse in the dark ,

With tears up my throat 

Too weak to be strong .

Too strong to cry ,

And too afraid of height to fly !

*Sigh* 

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