Depression is haunting me again …

I have been baffled if I should write or not . I want to , but I feel like I do this to validate myself with the likes and followers I have here …That maybe I am an attention seeker , maybe depression is just an excuse .

But if it was an excuse , why do I physically feel my heart breaking and my lungs fighting to breathe ? Is it normal ? Can you feel your heart breaking , out of the blue ? Do you sometimes forget to breathe ,too ? I just want to know …

I’ll tell you the truth , I wrote in one of my blogs that if you try to keep yourself happy , you become happy eventually , truthfully it works , but sometimes ,I know I will never heal and I don’t want my life to be a game of play-pretend . 

I wanted my blog to be an escape , to be my way to helping others out of their depression … But I am shit … I am an attention seeker , right ? I know , and truthfully , I do need attention and I do need help , because I can’t do it anymore …I can’t help myself out . 

I keep telling my friends that they’ll be fine , when I know I’ll be not . I wish somebody cared enough to ask me if I am okay ? and meant it . But people don’t care about ugly ,fat attention seekers.  

You know what I’ll be fine . Maybe writing is not what I’m good at , but I like writing more than I do living , well I hate living , I would take death in a heartbeat , life is bad , I’ll never recover . I ‘ll be a piece of trash everyone hates and I’ll always seek my happiness through likes and followers .

I know this probably does not make any sense to you … Lol … My exsistence doesn’t either ? What a co – incidence .. or is it ? 


16 thoughts on “Depression is haunting me again …”

  1. Now u tell me I can do it but what about you? I was once told that my depression was just selfishness. I then starting living as unselfishly as possible. But, was it because I only cared what people thought? Idk. I also don’t care anymore. U work on u. U make u happy. U do u. I feel u. If I didn’t have kids I don’t know if I would have made it to this part of my life. The part were I found real, true love. And even tho I know I’m dying from cancer, I am happy w my life.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You know , you have your kids … I don’t mean it in a rude way but I don’t have anything to clinge onto . You are my goals right now , I feel so stupid , because I have it easier . I just keep saying shit about dying , and I have never known what literally ” dying ” feels like . I will absolutely try to be a better person after this. .. Thank you :’)

      Liked by 1 person

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