Today, I cried and people say crying feels good. Does it really? I mean, I feel like something is off me, but I feel weak. I have been trying so hard to not cry yet I go around telling people I am caught up in a mess, never to tell them what mess. And I know how much it’d suck if I was in their shoes.
But, the thing is I don’t think nobody cares, I mean they do, but not enough. I will never be someone’s best friend or the person they like the best in this world. Never. And fair enough, I truly don’t deserve (not saying it for the sake of saying).
And everything, just about everything about my life comes to one conclusion… Why do I not want to die so bad that I really can do something about it? Do I not want it that bad? What am I scared of? I was not afraid of hurting my parents a few months back, I am now, why did I not do it then?
And the thing about telling people it is tough, I need to stop it don’t I. The title of this blog is Vent 1, but what have I ever done here than to vent?!
See the thing is, I don’t want to tell people anything that goes inside my head, but I do have my triggers, I am only human. Idk what it makes them think of me. I had think I am an attention whore, am I? Well most probably yes. But what do I do so I can hold everything to myself? Tell me, what the fuck do I do?